


Breathing

by Angel_Waters



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: (it's Jean-Claude and Richard), F/M, there is major character death mentioned but no details other than that they died, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Waters/pseuds/Angel_Waters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic: "Breathing" by Yellowcard</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on PommeDeSang under the pen name xDeaDesdemona, I changed my handle when I switched sites but still the same author.

BREATHING

song by: Yellowcard

 

_Eyes are feeling heavy_

_but they never seem to close._

_The fan-plates on the ceiling spin_

_but the air is never cold._

_And even though you’re next to me_

_I still feel so alone._

_I just can’t give you anything_

_for you to call your own._

 

The pain was nearly unbearable, but I bit my tongue. I couldn't stand for him to think I was so weak. The wounds really weren't all that bad – nothing he couldn't patch up with supplies from the first-aid kit he'd brought. I stared up at the ceiling, not really seeing it, because I couldn't make myself face him. My life was so tied up in monsters now, there was nothing left to offer. Not that he'd appreciate it if there was. We might be “soulmates” according to him, but not in a romantic way. He'd made that perfectly clear back in Santa Fe.

 

_And I can feel you breathing_

_and it’s keeping me awake._

_Can you feel it beating,_

_my heart sinking like a wave?_

 

Our last hunt didn't go according to plan. She was hurt, far worse than she was willing to let on. I knew, because it was the only time she ever let me this close. She'd finally passed out after the wounds were cleaned and bandaged. I stretched out next to her, careful not to jostle the bed, and watched her sleep. She's better off never knowing how I feel. I could never give her the life she deserves.

 

_Something I’ve been keeping_

_locked away behind my lips._

_I can feel it breaking free_

_with each and every kiss._

_I couldn’t bear to hurt you_

_but it’s all so different now._

_Things that I was sure of then_

_have filled me up with doubt._

 

I wished I could tell him how much I cared. Every time I had to feed the _ardeur_ , I pictured his face instead of whoever I was feeding from. Every kiss felt like a betrayal. I prayed for the day when I could be free from it all, for a day when I could run into his arms and tell him everything I'd kept hidden for so many years. I'd thought I was doing the right thing when I let Jean-Claude give me the marks – saving lives – but lately I wondered if it was worth the cost.

 

_And I can feel you breathing_

_and it’s keeping me awake._

_Can you feel it beating,_

_my heart sinking like a wave?_

 

I had to be content with this little bit of stolen time. She would be leaving again soon. Going back to her lovers. It hurt whatever was left of my soul to let her do it. I'd offered to kill them for her once, but she wouldn't let me. Damn her morals.

 

_I can feel you breathing._

_It’s keeping me awake._

_Couldn’t stop my heart._

_It’s always beating,_

_sinking like a wave._

 

He'd done it. He'd killed them. I don't know how I survived, but I did. He was there when I woke up in the hospital. I didn't have the strength to yell at him. They weren't human, but they didn't deserve to die because of it. Hell, I was barely human. That's probably the only reason I was still here.

 

_How am I supposed to feel_

_about the things I’ve done?_

_I don’t know if I should stay_

_or turn around and run._

_I know that I hurt you._

_Things will never be the same._

_The only love I ever knew,_

_I threw it all away._

 

I could see the pain in her eyes when she finally woke up. She knew what I'd done. Would she ever forgive me? I just couldn't stand to see them using her any longer. Surely she'd realize that one day. I watched her lying in that hospital bed, knowing it might be the last time I ever got to see her.

 

_And I can feel you breathing_

_and it’s keeping me awake._

_Can you feel it beating,_

_my heart sinking like a wave?_

 

I just wanted to close my eyes and rest. Why did he have to be here now? His presence beside the bed was a hollow comfort. He probably only wanted to make sure I wouldn't come gunning for vengeance once I'd recovered. He should know by now that I could never hurt him, even if I was never able to say the words. It hurt so much, knowing that I was free yet still trapped in the web of lies we'd created.

 

_I can feel you breathing._

_It’s keeping me awake._

_Couldn’t stop my heart._

_It’s always beating,_

_sinking like a wave._

 

She seemed so fragile. I wished I could’ve protected her from this. It had to be done, for her own good. Even if she hates me for the rest of our lives, I know it was the right decision. At least now she is free to reclaim the pieces of her life that they'd stolen from her. She'd given her word that she wouldn't try to kill me for what I'd done, and that was really all I could hope for. I walked out of the room and didn't look back, never seeing the tears that fell down her cheeks.


End file.
